Saturday, July 2, 2016

Texting Game in Dating

Text messaging represents the standard mode of communication to contact a person you like. Unfortunately, there is anxiety in sending text messages and in receiving responses. The initiator thinks about what to write, ponders on this message, and then finally gains the courage to send their text message to the appropriate person. Then, the waiting game begins to take hold for the sender. The texting game is thriving in the dating world!

In this modern time, text messaging is likely replacing simple phone calls. People are too busy to answer phone calls. Furthermore, the dating game challenges people to make contact without knowing if there is any interest reciprocated back. We won't know if this person is at work, at an appointment, shopping and/or busy with their lives. Even if there's initial interest on the first night, the time it takes to contact this person can make or break a situation. Don't wait too long to send a text message.  

Most people would rather not appear so desperate in picking up an incoming call right away. Eagerness, willingness, or quick to draw are viewed as powerless traits. There is another way! 

Here comes text messaging! It is the most popular way to make quick contact. However, senders feel anxious waiting for responses. As time passes by, these senders watch their phones for a bubble to appear with words relevant to their original message. This is when texting someone you like gets really complicated. Did you write the wrong message? Not funny enough? Witty? Interesting? 

Another important factor is: When is the right time to reply back? Are we going to play the dating game? Or do we want to be direct and just fire back a quick, short message? Do we want the upper hand? Want to be straight to the point? 

From personal experience, sending long text messages can/will affect the outcome. Most people, unless you have interest in reading novels, don't have time to read long, drawn-out text messages. It makes the sender appear needy, too willing to do anything for this person. Maybe the text message etiquette, as it applies to dating, is to wait a certain amount of time. Play the game wisely. Why play games? Who wants to make the other personal antsy? Why not just say what you mean? 

The first thought that comes to mind is weakness. Responding within a minute after receiving a message can mean a few things: the person is showing way too much interest, they are bored, and are interested and want to convey this to the sender. On the flip side, responding within seconds of every message can show you are putting all your emotions into this one person. 

Maybe the best ratio is a one message response for every incoming message. If no answer, then wait awhile to reply back with another message. If you have to wait a few weeks, go ahead and do this. Keep yourself busy and make the other party think. Once they start worrying about why you are not responding, you regain a competitive advantage. Playing the chasing game can be empowering or dejecting. It is up to you how text messaging can factor into your dating opportunities. 

These games motivate people to find the right person so they don't have to play them. Some say it is better to be with a person they have a total connection with than to worry whether they say the wrong things to hurt their chances. 

Moments of silence on a date can spell doom. It is awkwardly uncomfortable to run out of things to say. Going to a cool place is important. Get involved with activities to keep busy. Do something fun to entertain each other. As soon as you reach your comfort level, drop your guard. If this person is right for you, it should be effortless. Keep in mind: Text messaging this person in the early stages rely on strategy. 

There are a number of ways to use text messaging to initiate a date. You can send the first message to remind this person how you met them. Hopefully, this person remembers your name and the situation. That is a good sign that you made a good first impression. If this person doesn't remember you, mention something in the message to spark their memory. Still having trouble? Don't waste your time! 

For positive responses, tell them it was cool to meet them. See if you can set up a date to hang out. Maybe ask them if they prefer a specific place they enjoy. Mention a place and time to meet. If you can't coordinate schedules, ask them what days they usually have off. You'll know if they are serious or not. Recurring excuses or flaking on you may show their initial interest in you dissipated. Move on! 

This is where text messaging can complicate the communication process. Don't write novels. Quick, direct messages are best. One message for every one message. If they don't respond, make them wait. It sucks that there is a game to text messaging a person and making contact. That is the way text messaging works in the dating world!

Want to hold a convo? Talk about things you remember the first time you met them. Spark their interest! Find out what they like. If this person is not as receptive to your messages, try another approach. Are they responding to your message without you having a way to reply back. An example of this is question/answer responses. If you write a lot and they write short messages, then there are more factors to this question. We really don't know what is taking place on their side. Give them the benefit of doubt until their flakiness is a recurring theme. Can't get a date? Move on! 

All we can do is be creative in our responses. Retain their interest. Keep it simple. Ask questions. Don't respond back so fast. If this person is interested, they will initiate a convo. Feel there is no chemistry? Awkward during convo? If you feel there is enough interest from the initial meeting, just set up a date to meet up in person. It's possible this person doesn't have time to text back and forth. Making a date may not be that easy, but being direct can/will get you an immediate answer. 

Don't fear rejection. Take a risk to increase your probability to score a cool date. At least, with text messaging, you can think before you send a message. On the phone, you may not be able to redeem yourself. Don't over-think text messages. Keep yourself busy to avoid obsessing whether they read your message and if they will respond right away.

Remember this; they have a life like you. Until you are a couple, there are no obligations to respond on either side. In relationships, couples delay their text messages. The important thing is being nice and respectful in responses can make text messaging between the initiator and responder exciting. Show confidence! 

Happy Texting! 

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