Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Everything is falling apart

I don't know what I'm going to do. Everything seems to be falling apart. College just started back again. I'm in another one of those financial quicksand ordeals again. It has been a recurring theme for me. I don't go out and spend money. The main problem is that I don't make enough money. A break-even analysis would put me at a negative loss each month.

Right now, I need to pay for some important bills. I only have a few days to make each of the deadlines. I have a hard time concentrating on writing because my mind is constantly focusing on the bills. The financial distress is causing me severe writer's block and time management issues.

As much intelligence and education that I have in my arsenal, I'm living a pathetic life. I have one car that hasn't been driven in the past 13 months. I paid for expensive repairs, interest, and car insurance on this vehicle. My apartment costs a ton. The utilities are running me dry. I have no gas in the tank. I owe a fortune on student loans.

It really makes me think that maybe my education is worthless. After serving in the Air Force, going to college for the past decade, and assisting others, I'm worse off. Now I'm forced to become successful. I want to be a writer, but everything's falling apart. I don't know what to do. The stress is destroying my body.

With all the financial pressure, I have found myself yelling around like a madman. I'm usually a cool and collective person. Because of college loans and lack of professional opportunities, I don't see any solutions. I'll keep trying. That's the best I can do. I have been trying to fight off all of the unfortunate problems in the past two decades.

My dreams, education, and military service have caused me to experience high stress - the most unhealthiest kind. If you have a dream, really think about if it's worth risking your future to go after it. I could never imagine that I would go through constant struggles, sometimes impossible struggles seem to be too random. It may be funny after the fact, but it's highly stressful.

Maybe one day I'll figure everything out. I know that many other people are having the same type of struggles. We all need to band together to make it. Good luck everyone.

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